Flirting Again

Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her - when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her? ~Helen Rowland

So, here's how it went:

Chad: Hey, Slim
Me: Hi, Freckles
Chad: It doesn't bother you when I call you "Slim" does it?
Me: No. Does it bother you when I call you "Freckles"?
Chad: No. And anyway, you look like you've put on some weight since I first met you.
Me (agast): Um... No, I haven't.
Chad: Yes you have.
(pause)
Chad: And it's not upper, it's lower.
Me, thinking, sarcastically: Ohh, good!
Me: So, just to clarify - I've got a big butt?
Chad: Well, not big, just bigger.
Me: Ah, right. Well, gee thanks. Now you've given me a complex.
Chad: No! It's not supposed to give you a complex. It's a compliment.
Me: Right. I don't think that's the same thing.
Chad: Look, no, it's good. Now you can tell people that Chad's been checking out your ass.

And the conclusion of this narrative? I don't know, you tell me. My married co-worker is checking out my "ass"? I've put on some weight but it looks good? I couldn't tell you. This happened a couple of weeks ago. This week I was talking to him, and he was telling me that my butt looks good now, but I still need to put on ten more pounds. And I was like, "Oh, yeah? Where should I put it?"

Chad: Well, maybe that the lower end is taken care of, you can work on the upper.

Me: Oh, yeah? Well, I don't exactly think I can choose where to put it.... Well, not unless I had a lot of money.

Chad: Well, tell you what, we'll go halfsies.

Me: Oh yeah? Well I'm not sure that's fair to you.

Chad: What do you mean?

Me: I mean, I get the better end of the deal. I get to keep them.

Chad: Naw, 'cause when we get divorced I get my half back.